This is the story of how I’ve overcome my eating disorder and accepted myself for who I am instead of constantly chasing others’ validation.

Background

Nothing scared me more than the discussion of my weight and appearance. The ones I loved most body shamed me for having flabby arms and a plumper face. Maybe it is normalized in East Asia to comment on weight, but I was extremely sensitive each time it was mentioned. As a middle schooler going through puberty, I took what others said very deeply. I understood their concern, but their harsh wording and phrases made me feel unworthy. The comments degraded my confidence and instantaneously changed the way I viewed myself.

In 7th grade, I was on a weight loss journey to become a “better” version of me; my self-esteem was extremely low, and I was determined to do everything in my power to become “skinny”, to stop the comments being made on my body.

I was put my body through immense stress by eating significantly below my healthy caloric intake, tracking each gram that entered my mouth, and exercising for several hours daily, all to lose weight as quickly as I can. I would do fasted workouts every morning and extreme diets, blinded by my desires, my body health started to decline.

I never gave myself a break, the joy of the number of the scale going down each day kept me pushing. When I reached my target weight goal, I wanted more, to keep becoming smaller and smaller. The satisfaction of my progress fed into my delusions, making me lose myself entirely.

My hands were always cold, always fatigued, and I had trouble falling asleep, which were all signs my body went into internal shock. My BMI (body mass index) went from overweight to underweight in a couple of years, some periods more rapidly than others, my lowest being 92 pounds (I’m 5 feet 2 inches).

When I lost my period, I was completely unaware of how serious my body’s condition was. Losing your period is NOT something to be taken lightly. It signifies that your body no longer feels “safe” to regulate your reproductive system, and that organ is completely shut down to fuel your other essential organs with limited calories.

The doctors recommended me to go on birth control, which I refused since it won’t give me a natural period. Birth control would only be a band-Aid to my problem not a permeant solution.

So I was stuck, facing what I feared most, accepting and trusting myself.

The choice to continue to let the numbers on the scale slowly kill me, or take action to learn to love myself despite being bigger.

EAT MORE!!

I started eating more, increasing my caloric intake by 200-500 gradually. To get your period back, you MUST increase your caloric intake. Your body has been so deprived of food, it needs energy to help make your systems/organs function once again. Typically, the recommended caloric intake for those in recovery is 2500+, but please note that some people will need significantly more than the recommended amount. There is no fixed number of calories you should be eating, everyone is different.

During my recovery, I saw the most progress when I completely stopped counting calories and ate intuitively. Intuitive eating is when you listen to your body’s natural hunger and fullness cues without any restrictions. I ate what felt right, and I allowed my body to have what it craved.

Focused specifically on incorporating healthy fats AND carbs every day into meals/snacks. These food groups have been typically avoided and demonized in modern diets. I fell victim to this standard and did my best to avoid these food groups. However, they are extremely important for your bodies everyday function.

• Fats are the building blocks for hormonal balance and overall health
• Carbs are the primary energy source for our bodies.

Healthy Fats examples:

• Avocado
• Nuts
• Salmon
• Olive Oil
• Cheese
• Egg yolks

Reduce Exercise

When I went into recovery and made my goal to get my period back, I first cut back on my exercise activities. This transition for me was gradual; I went from going to the gym 5-6 times a week to 3 times a week, and eventually completely stopped going to the gym. My old workout routine consisted of weight training for each muscle group and going on the treadmill, each session lasted about 2 hours. Now, my only form of exercise has been walking, no weight lifting, no running.

If you want to get your period back as quickly as possible, I would recommend COMPLETELY stopping cardiovascular, HITT, or any other high-intensity workouts. The more stress you put on your body, the longer recovery will take. You need to conserve energy for your body to rebuild itself, not deplete it more.

I’m not saying you have to completely stop physical activities. Believe me, I get it. I felt extremely repelled to stop exercising after it had been ingrained in my routine for so long. But it is CRUCIAL for you to reduce your workouts as much as you can.

Stress Levels

Stress plays a huge factor in abnormality/loss of the menstrual cycle. To put it simply, stress increases your cortisol, decreases reproductive hormone regulations, decreases ovulation, and irregular/missed periods.

Make sure to incorporate breaks and social events to keep stress low!! Peruse your hobbies when you have time, do the things that make you happy!

Reducing stress is extremely important for both your mental and physical health. Chronic stress will open doors to immense problems such as heart attacks and anxiety issues.

Conclusion

I knew I had to change my old habits if I wanted my period back. I stopped restricting what goes into my body and had food freedom. I prioritized intuitive eating and eating a lot of healthy fats and carbohydrates. I stopped doing my morning HITT workouts and went on gentle walks instead. I worked on lowering my stress levels by improving my sleep earlier and not letting my schoolwork get the best of me. The biggest shift came from letting go of control and allowing my body to feel safe again through patience, consistency, and self-compassion.

There were times I failed and reverted by to my old ways, but I kept trying and never gave up. You will have ups and downs in this journey, it won’t be linear and that’s okay. As long as you keep trying, keep pushing yourself in the end, everything will work out for you.

Losing your period indicates you’ve abused your body so much it’s in survival mode. I know how hard it is to break free from the mindset of diet culture and overexercising, but your health and happiness are worth so much more the numbers on a scale. Feed your body, rest without guilt, and trust the process. Your body wants to heal – it just needs the right environment to feel safe again. You are not alone, and full recovery is possible. Keep going!!