Introduction

When I first started my recovery journey back in 2023, I was determined to reclaim my body and a healthy mindset. There were numerous hurdles I had to cross, and there were times I reverted to my original self, letting my disordered mind take control once again. 

During those times, I felt defeated and disheartened. The comments “I can’t do this,” or “I’m never going to fully recover,” flooded my mind. These comments only hindered my progress more, keeping me from healing myself mentally.

If I could go back in time, here are some things I wish I knew…

Recovery Isn’t Linear, And That’s Okay

There will be days when you relapse into your old habits. The thoughts start to get to you after you’ve been “on a roll,” and then everything suddenly collapses. But that is OKAY. Recovery isn’t going to be a smooth path; you need to battle your way back to a healthy mindset.

According to NEDA, humans are MEANT to make mistakes, and it is okay! Relapse does not mean you have failed; it will only make you stronger once you realize you have to keep pushing.

Speak to someone

I have never told any of my friends about my eating disorder problems until a few months into my recovery journey. I was worried about how they would think of me, viewing me as lazy and “letting myself go” because I was gaining some weight back (Bad mindset still in place during this time). But after I told my friends about my goals, I felt the weight come off my shoulders, and instead of backlash comments, I got the support I needed.

The Alliance for Eating Disorders stated that talking to someone is one of the best ways to recover. Letting them know how you feel and think at your current state will bring you comfort and support.

Small Wins over Perfect Recovery

Take your recovery one step at a time; there is no need to rush things. If you feel overwhelmed, remember that small repeated actions are the ones that make the most change. 

Positive Thought Only

Don’t EVER talk down to yourself at any given time. The voice in your mind should be supporting you. Showing self-compassion will build resilience and send you down the right path of mentality. Show the same empathy and kindness you show to others because you are worthy of it just as much as they are.

Food Isn’t the Enemy, It’s the Medicine

For the longest time, I saw food as just numbers. A set limit every day, and going over it is forbidden. This unhealthy mindset has to change. Food needs to be viewed in a different light. 

There should be no restrictions during your recovery journey since it lacks victims and other essential nutrients.

You Are Not Your Disorder

Before my recovery phase, I had my entire identity focused on being the “fit” and “healthy” person. People asked me how I lost weight, not knowing the amount of setbacks it came with. Letting go of that meant losing that identity. 

But you have to realize that your “healthy” image isn’t healthy but harmful. Your recovery will help you discover new hobbies and experiences.

Physical Recovery isn’t the same with Mental Recovery

During most of my recovery, it was more mentally challenging than physically. When I was physically recovering by gaining my weight back and increasing my estrogen, food still scared me. 

When my clothes felt tighter, I felt anxiety and questioned if I should revert to my past self. Mental recovery might take longer than physical recovery, and that’s okay, just make sure you’re sticking with your goals and new habits. Keep reminding yourself of the end goal and a healthy life.

Conclusion

In the beginning of your recovery, you will experience lots of hardships and challenges, but that is okay! Recovery is meant to be a learning process, it’s not supposed to be always linear. 

Actively trying to have a healthier relationship with food and fitness will be mentally challenging, especially after a long period of time building those bad habits/mindset. 

What matters most is consistently trying, even when there’s a setback, you have to keep pushing! You are stronger than you think, and remember, life is so much more than just your physical appearance.